Chronic Tardiness and Difficulty with Process

A local expert in the Boston area, Marilyn Paul, held a gentle lecture about a year ago. At that time she reported that ADD'ers often leave things until the very last minute or leave for appointments cutting the time very close. She says there is a case for people with ADD needing to have that adrenalin rush that comes from having to be up against the wall as the only motivator to meet time commitments.

I know I do this, and I'm presently in danger of losing my job because I don't set a limit for when I must leave in order to get to work on time. I live the closest of anyone in my office, barely a 5-min. walk from my home. Oh sure, the other issue arises re: how much I really want to be at my job or whether I want to quit it. But it isn't only about my punctuality getting to work. I also do this self-destructive approach which appears totally inconsiderate to others no matter what I'm involved in. I can't seem to address a project until it's at the very, very last minute.

And then there's a second cousin to this problem. When I take on a project, I often get this blast of excitement about doing it. Then I go through steps 1, 2, and 3. in the planning... then I jump to steps 8, 9, and 10. Naturally, no matter how great the idea, the whole thing collapses because there are great gaps in the planning and in the process.

The impulsiveness and then depression can be associated with a tendency toward being bi-polar, but there also seem to be similarities in the symptoms of ADD.

The only way I seem able to combat these two problems is to be completely rigid and hyper-compulsive in doing a hard and fast step by step plan re: when I should leave my home or how I should conduct a project.

Does anyone have any input about these issues?

I could have written that letter. I've tried setting my clocks ahead 10 minutes, but then I'd think, calm down, I still have another 10 minutes, whew... You can imagine how well that worked.

I always get excited about starting new projects, and later on wish I never did. If it's for myself, that's bad enough, but when some else is expecting something from me it sucks. I am sooo sick of saying I'm sorry. If feels so shallow and insincere around the 5th time.
I'm envious of you for being able to combat the problems the way you do. I can't do that.

I'm even expert at organization because I've tried so many things. If one more person tells me to get a file cabinet and color code my files, or a basket, a special place for my keys etc, or to pay my bills right away....... It hurts because it's clear they just don't understand, as much as they think they do.

So although I have no useful advice for you, I'm just letting you know that I understand what you're going through and wish I knew the solution.

I had to smile when I read the first respondent's comment about being an expert about organization. I live in an intentional community, where a group of 25-30 people share five houses on a street, and share in each other's lives and resources. In my community, I'm recognized as the expert organizer - for getting OTHER people's rooms / lives/ stuff organized. I get called on by others to help them get organized. I'm GREAT at tackling, and setting up an organizational system...I just can't follow one through, myself! So my own stuff almost always looks like Hurricane Katrina is my roommate!!!

My Sister! Not to minimize your challenges, but tardiness and planning and perserverance problems are quite common amongst our wonderful kind. Yes, it does help somewhat to read how others deal, but in the end, it's finding out what works for you: Not to please others, but to live your best and most satisfying life. Just some suggestions - Check the accuracy of your time sense: how long does it actually take to get ready for work, out the door, walk, and "settle in" at your job? Our time sense is often impaired and this conscious timing might help. You could try working in a positive reason to get to work earlier-say an enjoyable coffee chat with a coworker, or 20 extra minutes with the crossword. When you increase your interest you increase your focus and ability to get it done. I'll stop for now. If you try this, please let us all know if it helped.

I, too, could have written your letter. I am 42 and diagnosed several months ago with ADD.

I have spent most/all of my life being late for everything. I have been reprimanded for lateness in each job I have held. I recently was fired for my inattentiveness, lack of focus, inability to follow directions, memory problems, etc. So, lateness was the least of my problems.

Since being diagnosed and learning about ADD, I have realized there is a cause for these behaviors, that it's not "just the way I am". I've also realized that behaviors can be changed. I've started to get better at being on time (sometimes). I have started to arrive early and have time to relax in the car before going in with an electronic Texas Hold 'Em poker game. Although, this can be addictive and also cause me to be late going inside. :)

I have since changed to taking my "diary" with me and jot down a few lines of what I'm feeling at the time (fears, frustrations, dread, anticipation-good and bad, excitement, etc.). I was not able to write down my feelings or thoughts before medication. It is so wonderful now to be able to put my feelings and thoughts into words. This has been very helpful because it gets some of those feelings out so you can go in to work a little less stressed.

As for the second problem, taking on projects and not being able to complete them, I am working on this. I feel so horrible about myself when I promise something to someone and am unable to follow through. I can come up with some good ideas for doing something, but am completely unable to come up with a plan for making it happen. So, I don't have any recommendations for this :(

My inattention is a HUGE problem. My mind just wanders so much. This has improved a lot with the medication, but it is still there at times. It's like, someone can be talking to me, I can see their lips moving and not hear a thing they are saying. Also, someone can start talking to me and by the time I focus on what they are saying, I miss the beginning of the conversation and don't know what they are talking about. I think this drives my husband crazy at times :)

There are other problems, but these are the biggies that frustrate me to no end. It has been a relief to realize that most ADD'ers deal with these problems also, as this has helped me to be less critical of myself when I falter.

Good luck to you.

Karen