Reconciliation?

Just received this email from a Group member,

>Cliff,
>
> How are you?
>
> I was wondering if you can cover how one can mend a
> relationship with an ADHDer when they don't want to accept an
> apology or other actions of reconciliation.
>
> Thanks!
>
> (name withheld)

Excellent question. I know this can in reality, happen. It's not always "moral equivalence" with both kind of or equally "responsible" (if any of these words can truly apply).

I added your question/ concern to the meeting Agenda, and post it here. I'll respond more later--but first want to open it up for discussion

Hi there- can you please clarify who doesn't want to accept the apology, the ADHDer, or the non?

If it's the non-, I'm not sure that I understand how you can mend the relationship, as obviously whatever occurred to warrant the apology must have been pretty bad if you're not willing to accept the apology.

If you don't accept the apology or actions of reconciliation, won't the issue just fester in your mind, leaving you with bad feelings or lack of trust?

Perhaps this 'thing' that happened to warrant an apology has happened before, and an apology given, only to happen again. In which case, I understand not wanting to accept another shallow apology.

Am I completely off base here?

Nicole,

Thank you - for your response. The ADHDer won't accept my apology. The ADHDer didn't do this in the past but was going through major stress. Now this is what is going on.

I really don't remember the whole issue, but basically I was trying for some sort of understanding - simply wanted to be close again, but the ADHDer won't let me do that, and is now blaming me for things in the past that I have nothing to do with.

What is confusing is the ADHDer wants me around -and- doesn't want me around.