Does life have to be so hard?

For Nicole & group, written Sep 12, 16, 2007:
~

Some, most or even all of us have suffered the pangs of heart
where we feel unhead, unappreciated, unseen or misperceived
in stomach-wrenching devilish ways. It becomes emotional abuse
when the sender refuses to hear or see anything at all - but the
most negative spin possible, in self or other.

Recent work in ADD/ADHD and brain scan research now can explain the whys, wherefores and neurological dynamics of emotional abuse. One such resource is Dr. Daniel Amen's book, "Healing the Hardware of the Soul."

In contrast to abuse is kindness and empathy. To effectively express kindness or clarity, one's neuro-equipment needs to be in working order.

Briefly put, the inner wisdom and awareness is there in all of us, but it takes a healthy level of brain function to know it, to express it, and to solve problems.

Might it be possible to transcend certain difficulties and limitations? It takes a lot of effort and action by those concerned.

Dr. Cliff

Thanks Dr. Cliff, but I am somewhat perplexed on why this was directed to me, and the group, and unsure that I understand your message. Can you please ellaborate?

Thanks again.

Hi Nicole, hope this further clarifies ~ have any more specifics in mind .. questions, reactions?

As to why you were mentioned, this is because you're an active person in writing about these experiences. You had asked for response from the group on other threads, and I didn't want to leave you waiting there too long.

My note is generally related to your questions and experiences with AD/HD, and brings in the issue of "hardware" of the brain. It was also written some time back in another context, about enduring life while relating to someone with ADHD, as well as for the ADHDer, even if they do not acknowledge it.

With knowledge of ADHD it becomes a question of how much of the actions are intentional (see thread by that name) and how much is limited by brain dysfunction? Believe me, even with some understanding and knowledge, it is still difficult for anyone to know the difference and how to deal with it, especially with regard to "untreated AD/HD."

I'd like to encourage others, as we get more written activity, to respond to your messages specifically, and respond to your questions in those messages, and I will too - beginning with sharing these in the Sunday meeting if that's okay with you.

Greetings.

Thanks for your kindness and consideration Dr. Cliff. In re-reading your message, it makes me think back to your 'Intention..How much is not enough' post and the answer.

Intention is not enough when nothing is done to follow up or through on the intention, and the repeated use of this is one contributing factor to emotional abuse. It's the constant 'ups and downs' that the non ADDer must suffer that makes it difficult. The ADDer has a terrific thought and feels compelled to share it- for example, this ADD treatment (therapy and/or drugs) is doing wonders for me, and I can't imagine how different my life would have been if I'd started this sooner' (an 'up' for the non-ADDer, because there's 'hope' and light and the end of tunnel) to 'I'm taking the meds/therapy anymore because...(insert excuse like reason here)- and now the non-ADDer is back down.

Or, simplier yet... Non ADDer really wants something done around the house, ADDer says they'll do it. Weeks go by, with gentle requests and reminders by the non-ADDer, only to be insistantly told by the ADDer that they would do it, say this weekend. Another goes by, nothing is done, non ADDer offers to hire someone to do it, ADDer now INSISTS that IT WILL GET DONE THIS WEEKEND, that's their priority this weekend, only it never does. The 'insistaning' and force behind it MUST mean that it will get done, right?? (an 'up') Not so much when it doesn't. (back down)

Or, really basic... Non ADDer mentions that they'd like tickets to whatever. ADDer says they'll get them for a B-Day gift. Time goes by with no mention what-so-ever from the ADDer, and non ADDer really wants to go... ADDer says oh yeah, I forgot- thanks for the reminder, I'll get them today. Today was too busy, 3 days later ADDer says they're getting tix today, non ADDer says they'll order them and ADDer can pay for them, ADDer INSISTS that they'll do it, don't worry, I know you want this!!! Another 4 days goes by, and guess what?? Sold Out. No kidding.

Ups and downs. We want to believe in our non ADD partners- how can we not? We love them and see the good or else we wouldn't hold on. But how long can Anyone take the ups and downs, anyone at all? It doesn't leave much room for trust, and therefore is the main breakdown of the relationship.

In addition to Intention, we should also discuss Consistancy at some point. Perhaps if they consistantly didn't follow up or through on their Intentions at least we'd have a starting point to know what we're dealing with on any particular day?

Thanks again, and please do feel free to share my thoughts and examples on Sunday. I wish I could be there.